im gonna name my daughter jeresa, or if they’re twins jenny & theresa, my 2 female cats war & paint, my female pug emmy, my female guinea pig stella

if they all happen to be male i’ll be hella screwed

Would you rather win one Grammy and never win an award again? Or win one Kids Choice Award every year for the rest of your life?

me at the club picking up girls:  hey how are you doing.  I would ask for your number but I already know it.  you’re #1.  I’ll call you later

earthwanker:

Do you ever hear someone’s voice and kinda wanna fuck it

lubricates:

the sexual tension between me and no one